Okay, so as we all know, I've been feeling kind of pathetically dowdy since the birth of the World's Cutest Baby, just 55 weeks ago.
(Which is interesting, since, during my gigantic Volkswagen-van sized pregnancy, I felt absolutely fabulous - a little ungainly in the final weeks of December, maybe, but mostly 9 months of adorable, shiny, even kinda chic. Pregnant rocker girl.)
Well, my shape's not that different now from what it was last fall. That's the trouble - the pregnant rocker girl look doesn't work so much when you're not, you know, pregnant. I am utterly desparate for clothes - new clothes. I'd even settled for some of my 2-year-old clothes that don't button these days.
So I'm joining the cheap gym. I think this should help me get back into my old pants and put some roses back in my cheeks.
Since I'm planning to lose some inches, that helps diffuse some of my clothes desparation - no use buying trendy clothes that I'll be too small. I don't wear lots of jewelry, on account of the grabby baby.
So that leaves bags.
I am focusing all my desparate aquisitiveness on some ridiculously fashionable bag. Something huge and agressively trendy. Perhaps in a metallic finish. Something with buckles. Maybe a padlock.
I have practical bags. I have some cute small pre-baby bags (great for the rare trip out with no bottles, no diapers, no knitting...) I have bags that I've made, and they're artsy and creative, but they do not say "This Month's Interview Magazine!" or "Featured on Daily Candy.com!"
What I do not want is a 'real' bag. I don't want to go to Coach and spend $378 on a pink leather bag. Because I don't have $400, or even a quarter of that, to spend on...well, anything. That Betsey Johnson bag in the photo is great looking, and I'm sure its of fine quality. But if I spent $400 on a bag, I by God want to carry it for the next 10 years.
I don't want a 10 year bag. I want a right-this-minute, next-big-thing, where-on-earth-did-she-find-that-bag? bag.
For about $25.
In the midst of my attack of acquistiveness, I read this excellent paragraph in a book of personal essays by Nora Ephron. They're about being a woman of a certain age, as they say, given to me for Christmas by a fellow W of a C A.
About purses, Nora says:
I may not be good at purses, but I know that any purse that hangs stiffly on your arm...immobilizes half your body. In a modern world, your arms have to be free.
...If one of your hands is stuck carrying your purse, it means your not free for all sorts of exciting things that you could be using it for, like shoving your way through crowds, throwing your arms around loved ones, climbing the greasy pole of success, and waving madly for taxis.
- Nora Ephron, I Hate My Purse in I Feel Bad About My Neck, c. 2006, Knopf.