Back to School with the RevGals

It's time for a Back-To-School Friday Five!

1. Is anyone going back to school, as a student or teacher, at your house? How's it going so far?
Not exactly, though Eric performed at a huge Back-To-School Night last week (a huge success, since kids who wanted to see the show bugged their parents to take them, and so the school had a much bigger parent turnout than usual. Plus, the show kept the kids occupied for an hour, so parents and teachers could confab in relative peace. It was a really good idea! I would never have thought of it!)

Also, the big, brightly-colored ball of utter fabulousness that is Mystery Academy is all ramped up for the fall season, doing after-school programs at a ton of area elementaries. So, while no one's in a classroom for a full day, yeah, we did notice that it was September.

At our church, we treat fall as the new year - new fiscal year, new sermon series, new discipleship groups, and this year, a new way of structuring kids ministries for elementary schoolers.

2. Were you glad or sad when back-to-school time came as a kid?
Glad, I guess (though I imagine that I am gazing through the rosy gauze of nostalgia.) Certainly I was excited to go back to college...

3. Did your family of origin have any rituals to mark this time of year? How about now?
I remember going shopping - we lived in a rural area (to say the least), and so my poor, beleagured parents would pack me and my brother into the car for one whirlwind day of back-to-school clothes and shoe shopping at the glamorous and very sophisticated Harrisburg East Mall. We only went that one time every year, and so, every year, my dad would miss the exit. There we would be, sailing past the mall, keeping up with the traffic, unable to get anywhere near it. So every year, someone would shrug and say "I guess you can't get there from here, huh?"

4. Favorite memories of back-to-school outfits, lunchboxes, etc?
When I was going to kindergarten, I picked out the very best lunchbox from the display at the Rea&Derricks - a Superman lunchbox!

This one. (Lunchboxpad.com confirms that this is the design that was released in 1967. So that would be right.) Look at it! It's gorgeous! The shiny reds, the brilliant yellows...it's an excellent design.

The kids in my first grade did not see it that way. They made fun of me for having a boy's lunchbox! Why in the world would a lunchbox be a boy's lunchbox? Didn't everyone like Superman? He's super, for Chrissake - how could his appeal be limited to boys? Besides, it was mine, and I was indeed a girl (despite occasional speculation to the contrary) and so it must be a girl's lunchbox. Besides, it's the best one.

My exemplary reasoning did not sway anyone.
(And Mrs. Gross did nothing to intervene on my behalf, I now realize.)
I had the courage of my convictions at school, but broke down in tears at home.
.
But my mom did the best thing ever. My mom (though it could have been my dad) looked at the box, and had an idea. I chose a nice metallic gold, and we taped off some shapes and spray-painted the box. You could still see some of the great primary colors, but now they made colorful abstract patterns through dot and flower and heart outlines...even the word "LOVE" spelled out in masking tape on one side. It was completely original, one-of-a-kind, and mine. And no one ever made fun of it again.

(The whole gender question persisted, of course. When I was in second grade, I cut my own hair with my mother's layout scissors because I believed that would make me a boy. (Wearing a baseball cap everywhere hadn't quite done it.) This is reflected in my school pictures, where I am wearing a blue turtleneck, 1/16-inch bangs, and the most resentful look you have ever seen.)

5. What was your best year of school?
Second grade was very cool - I had a great teacher, Mrs. Murray. She loved golf and was allergic to grass. She read us Charlotte's Web. She was 6 feet tall, with enormously long arms and legs, and looked a little like Carol Burnett. I didn't know this at 7, but it turns out she was married to a notorious homosexual (it was the 60s, there were still people married to notorious homosexuals) and they had what my mother referred to as 'an arrangement'. I get the feeling that my parents were very fond of her, at least partly in spite of themselves.

Sophomore year of high school, I ran briefly with the Popular Crowd, which I enjoyed. Junior year, I accidentally gathered my own crowd of misfits, philosophers, gender-traitors and underachievers, which I enjoyed much more.

Get me to the church on time - a late RevGals Friday 5

On the Labor Day theme:
1. Tell us about the worst job you ever had.
Himmmph, tough call. I've had a number of jobs that started out okay and got really, really bad - partly because I worked as a temp. Why do companies need temps? Yeah, occasionally to cover for maternity leaves or sudden workload changes, but mostly BECAUSE SOMEONE IS A FREAKIN' NUT AND THE PEOPLE WHO WORK UNDER THEM KEEP QUITTING, and eventually they give up on filling the position and just start revolving temps.

I spent a very unhappy couple of months at the postal service headquarters in DC, with the people who manage the development and deployment of complicated machines. The people HATED one another and hated their work. And were paid way, way too much to quit. Even I was, as a temp. That tension makes highly-paid work a real trap, I think. (Ha, not to worry - I doubt I will ever strain against that particular tension again.)

I had one terrible theatre job, creating props for a nationally known regional theatre. I was 20; I was just coming out of a debilitating depression - I really had no business taking the job at all. In a perfect world, I would have spent that summer going to therapy, fine-tuning medications, taking long walks and sitting by a pool. Instead, I took an allegedly prestigious intern position in a fairly high-stress company. I was crap at it. Truly. And I had a boss who always said every single thing that came into her head immediately.

And I had one fairly terrible job at a non-profit, where people said things like "we're like a family!" and "Of course we all work a lot of hours, but no one minds! Because it's such fun, and we all love each other!" What they actually meant: "If you have any interests outside of this office, you're not really a team player." And "If you don't care for how we do things, it just shows that you've never really fit in." It was a little like The Stepford Office. I felt like a horrible failure when I quit after 11 months. I later learned that 11 months was the tenure of my 3 predecessors combined.

I've also had a ton of super-fun jobs, in theatre, retail (yes! It's true!), non-profits and on Capitol Hill. On balance, I think I've lucked out.


2. Tell us about the best job you ever had.
3. Tell us what you would do if you could do absolutely anything (employment related) with no financial or other restrictions.
Don't barf. The job I have now is by far the best job I've ever had, and it's what I would be doing (mostly) if I could be doing anything. All my other ideas for perfect jobs - radio DJ, gallery curator, humor columnist, restaurant critic - pale in comparison.

Actually, I bet a lot of the RevGals and Pals say that.

4. Did you get a break from labor this summer? If so, what was it and if not, what are you gonna do about it?
I had a week with a friend in Ohio, and that was wonderful. I'd like more, of course, but I think, for moms of almost-three-year-olds, a break from labor may be a relative term.

5. What will change regarding your work as summer morphs into fall? Are you anticipating or dreading?
I am excited! I'll post a whole post about why. Plus I always love fall, regardless of what's going on.

Bonus question: For the gals who are mothers, do you have an interesting story about labor and delivery (LOL)?

I was too large to go into labor.

My darling zygote was accompanied by more than 3 times the necessary amniotic fluid, and so when I say I was as big as a Volkswagon, I am not being hyperbolic. I actually frightened some of my friends when I turned in profile.

I really wasn't aware of how big I was - I was round before, and those pants, they're, you know,..stretchy! - until I saw a photo from my shower, 3 weeks before delivery. ("Holy *^$%!" I believe I said, when my husband handed me the print.)

My due date was Jan 4. When the doc said that I would not be making it to January, I made a plan to work through our Christmas Eve service, and drive to the hospital the next morning. Or perhaps the one after that.

My brother, having seen an episode of Malcolm in the Middle where the always-ignored child had to suffer the indignity of sharing his birthday with a new baby, called and begged me not to have my kid on Dec 21. Um, at this point, it may not be up to me, exactly, I explained, but I'll do my level best.

Well, yes to my brother, no to the baby Jesus. My scheduled c-section went flawlessly on Dec 22. I spent my 15 minutes in the delivery room encouraging the anesthesiologist to come to our church on Christmas eve. I stayed in the (nearly deserted) hospital 'til almost New Years Eve.

Monitoring indicated, surprisingly, that I actually had begun having contractions in time for my delivery...but my belly was so enormous that they could not have gotten organized enough to hurt, let alone push anybody out.

Friday Five: What's in a Name?

Over at RevGals, RevRod asks

This got me to thinking. How do we come up with all of these names? There must be at least a few good stories out there.

well, funny you should ask....

So how did you come up with your blogging name? And/or the name of your blog...

My Funky Fat Girl identity - it's my domain name, my Flickr ID, my Tumblr name, all the way back to my original LiveJournal account - started because I once had plans to open a women's boutique. Called Funky Fat Girl. Seriously, I can show you the sketches for the sign. I hatched this plan years ago, when I was spending a good deal of time at the Fat!So? Gab Cafe forum, so it must have been 10ish years ago - maybe more - and I loved the name so much that I wanted to stake my claim right away.

Occasionally, my feminism and my advancing age make me wonder how long I can claim "girl" as the punctuation on my most-noised-about identity.

My title is a line from a 1960s Peanuts cartoon. Lucy Van Pelt, being disciplined in school, spends 3 panels writing "I will not talk in class. I will not talk in class. I will not talk in class."
In the fourth panel, she sets her jaw and writes "On the other hand, who knows what I'll do?" A literary moment that has stuck with me since elementary school.


Are there any code names or secret identities in your blog? Any stories there?

I used to be kind of uptight about people finding out what church I served at, and having a bad impression of us because of my endless whining and my repeated 'oversharing'. Truly, ministry is hard enough - I don't need to mess it up further because I made a joke about ovulating on my blog. I used to refer to our parish as St. Joan's, because I thought that Joan of Arc - dirty from the battlefield, inapproprately gendered, treasuring her visions, wildeyed - would feel at home with us.

But when I started preaching, and I wanted to be able to link to my sermons so that my far-flung friends would see them, it meant letting go of even that much anonymity. But honestly, this is not a widely-read blog - barely anyone that I don't know in the flesh reads this.

I do still consider the googleability of certain words and proper names, and occasionally go all jokey-euphemistic about it. YES I know one slightly famous person, goody for me.

What are some blog titles that you just love? For their cleverness, drama, or sheer, crazy fun?

Snackreligious, Whoopee, Mimi Smartypants, Beauty Tips for Ministers, and I Blame the Patriarchy. And Going Jesus!

And, incidentally, why has no one gone to Going Jesus and bought me one of these tshirts?

What three blogs are you devoted to? Other than the RevGalBlogPals blog of course!

Along with the ones above, I'm devoted to Fluid Pudding, Sweetney, and Brandy at Loosetooth.com. In my work life, Jonny Baker, Maggie Dawn and Addison Road. My fav blog ever is Chez Miscarriage, which no longer exists.

Who introduced you to the world of blogging and why?

Charon, my sister-in-law, back when you needed a personal invitation to get an LJ account. My blogiversary is August 11, 2003. My first post mentioned ovulation and cargo pants. (Not in any implied causal relationship.) And I don't recall why, except blogging just seems like "me".

revgal friday 5 - beside the seaside

1. Ocean rocks, lake limps? Vice versa? Or "it's all beautiful in its own way"?
Really, seriously, lakes aren't the beach. Lakes don't have waves. Lakes are for canoeing. That's getting dangerously close to camping, in my opinion. A beach trip needs waves, a boardwalk, a photo booth, and a really expensive fancy restaurant that you can go into in a wet bathing suit.

2. Year round beach living: Heaven...or the Other Place?
I've always thought about it....you know, a place where you could get around town with an unlocked coaster bike, a place to write my novel on an old kitchen table on a screen porch stroll the dunes in a big Irish sweater. But honestly, I think I'd die of boredom. Or worse, take on some ill-considered business venture - opening a wine bar, a catering company, maybe a boutique. That way lies madness, and probably bankruptcy. Living in a major metropolis has ruined me for everyplace else, I think.

3. Any beach plans for this summer?
All my summer plans are up in the air.

4. Best beach memory ever?
Here's an excerpt from my mommyblog -July 28, 2008

.....And, of course, it was emotional for me, seeing Ian take to it the way he did, and seeing Eric be such a dad. It made me think about how the beach has kind of 'been there for me', from babyhood through college and singlehood and wife-hood, and now with a beach baby of our own.

It's like a flipbook of snapshots - there's me and mom in matching sundresses at Avalon, there's dad throwing Sandy over the waves; there's me in my red white and blue racing suit in 1972; there's my mom after the stroke; me and Paul and Chuck; me and Dorney and Chuck and Larry..there are all the pictures of me that Eric has taken, holding up a rubber frog at Funland, shading my eyes by the jetty. There are even pictures from our pregnant trip, 2 years ago, when it rained the whole time and never got about 70. I'm obviously lost - huge, uncomfortable, already tired of waiting but mentally paralyzed, completely unable to think about what I'm waiting for. The rain pounded the dunes, and I stood out in it, shooting video of the whipping grass.

And now Ian, running in and out like a sandpiper, dropping handfuls of sand after the receding wave, showing the ocean who's boss.

5. Fantasy beach trip?
One that is open-ended?
One with a babysitter in tow?

Ready for a Vacation - the revgals Friday 5

1. Getting ready for summer, do you use the gradual tanning moisturisers, or are you happy to show your winter skin to the world?
I got some (the Jergins product) last summer, and I liked the effect and found that I could bear the smell - mostly. What I lack, though, is patience - I am BY FAR the whitest person on earth (thanks a million, Scottish ancestors) and it takes multiple applications just to cut the glare. It seems like there's never a convenient time to apply, stand around til it drys, and then do it all again tomorrow and the next day. What I really need is a natural-looking, long-lasting tanner that works in one application and contains 50 spf. And smells like clean laundry. But subtley.

2.Beach, mountains or chilling by the pool, what/ where is your favourite getaway?
Beach, beach, beach - or else a trip to the big city, with shopping trips and matinees and museum junkets. But sitting on the beach is really the only place I can quiet the noise in my head.

3.Are you a summer lover or does the long break become wearing?
I do get antsy if I am away from work for too long. Also - the whole point of going to the beach is that it's pleasantly boring! Unfortunately, my husband takes several days to wind down - sometimes, by the time he's ready to start having fun, I'm longing to get back to work.

4.Active holidays; hiking swimming sailing, or lazy days?
Definately lazy and unstructured (unless it's the city whirlwind tour I mentioned above.) (Even on those, I want an open agenda so I can follow my whims and wander. This is not a travel style that's consistant with parenting a preschooler, by the way. Unless we follow his whims. Which today, just as an example, involved a 15-minute examination of a dead worm.)

5.Now to the important subject of food, if you are abroad do you try the local cuisine, or do you prefer to play it safe?
I love novelty, I love food, and I love having a good story to tell, so I always want to try the most exotic and weird thing I can. (I have a old friend with same urge, and so one of the pleasures of eating surprising meals is telling him about it when I get back.) But - even if you're not eating wildebeest and cuttlefish - WHY would you eat the same things you eat at home? (But then, I love novelty, and have been blessed with a very tolerant tummy. I know that everyone's so lucky.)

RevGals Friday Five: Wait and Pray

1. How do you pray best, alone or with others?
with others, I THINK. (Perhaps you should ask the others!)

2. Do you enjoy the discipline of waiting, is it a time of anticipation or anxiety?
I have always been complete crap at waiting, whether its 'on the Lord' or 'for that order of pancakes'. I am far too anxious a person, and always pressed for time (I'm trying to change that.) The best strategy for me has been to schedule my waiting (and worrying) - I literally write a date in my calendar, and then I can tell myself "Ooops, I cannot worry about that right now - I've prayed about it, and I'll be worrying about it on May 15. Think about something else." Unbelievably, this helps me.

3. Is there a time when you have waited upon God for a specific promise?
Not sucessfully, that I can recall. (see above).

4. Do you prefer stillness or action?
Stillness and I are only glancingly acquainted. I have always thought that this meant I was spiritually shallow. I have a friend, a colleague in ministry, who has helped me loosen up about this.

5. If ( and this is slightly tongue in cheek) you were promised one gift spiritual or otherwise what would you choose to recieve?
Patience and long-suffering? Perhaps the ability to concentrate.
We have staff prayer once a week, and we take turns leading. It is not unusual for us to spend much of that hour in silence together. I'm sure I'm the only person in that circle who's brain is routinely hijacked by the theme song from Pinky Dinky Doo.
I am not the only one who has occasionally drifted off,

Friday Five from RevGalsBlogPals

Friday Five! On Friday for a change!


1. If you could dramatically change your physical appearance for 24 hours, what would you do?

How radically? All my life, I've been desparately curious what it's like to be a man - but that's a whole lot more than a change in 'physical appearance'.

On a more superficial note, I would love to see what it's like to be a conventional beauty - tall, small waist, great bust, shapely, with high cheekbones and full lips. I am uninterested in conforming to society's standards of beauty - mostly - but I wonder what life would be like in that body.

2. If you could live in another place for 24 hours where would you go?
It's not very creative, but I could have a whole lot of fun in 24 unencumbered hours in Manhattan.

3. You get to do somebody else's job for a day...
standup comedian or morning radio dj. Or the woman who organizes Fashion Week in New York.

4. Spend the day with another person from anywhere in time and space...
My parents died 15 years ago. My mom was a very unusual person; I loved her, of course, but I still feel like she's kind of a mystery to me. So I'd love to have a chance to get to know her really well, see some of the influences that made her who she became, as opposed to just guessing at them. So maybe I would be Barbara Miller's freshman roomate at Vassar, 1941.

5. A magical power is yours. Which one would you pick?
The ability to stop time, so that I could get our home and my office completely reorganized while my husband and kid sleep. We could use the improvements, and they could use the extra sleep.