Monday, March 15, 2010

How my life has been for the last 4 years:

I sat down after dinner, in the comfy chair in the living room.
I closed my eyes.
40 seconds or so went by.
I could feel my son crawl up into my lap.

He crouched on my left thigh, and, very gingerly, with his thumb and forefinger, and pulled my eyelid open, so he could stare into my eye.

"Um, hi," I said.

"Hi, Mom." He said it in a heartfelt way, as if he'd been expecting me, as if I had just arrived to visit him at his apartment.

And I thought, there is it. There is my life, the last 5 years of my life, and presumably the next 15 or 20, all condensed into a single minute.

I was awful to him today - short-tempered, sarcastic, crabby. To be fair, he was pretty obnoxious too; as much as we enjoy cartoons together, he's picking up some phrases and inflections that are pretty unbecoming for a 4-year-old. I think we need to cool it on the animated smartasses.

I love him. I'm so proud of him, so fascinated by him, so astonished by him, and so so so so sick of him.

I'm embarrassed that I'm not more embarrassed by that. But not enough to backspace over it.


Shannon said...

I love this post.

You have a knack for writing & the truth.

Beautiful. Truly.


Anonymous said...

SIGH! This motherhood stuff is exhausting, mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. "They" don't warn you about this--I'm pretty sure it's a conspiracy. When kids pry your eyes open, it's not just to say hi. It's to try and look inside your brain to make sure you're not trying to think about yourself or anyone else!!!!

Jane Weaver said...

Bets, this is the point in parenthood when you suddenly recall that you existed before becoming a mother and that the world is still out there to be conquered. "You be alright, catsup" - as Heather used to say to the condiments in the fridge...

Alexander D. Mitchell IV said...

Once again, with feeling: