Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Not Doing Me Any Favors

I work in youth ministry.

You can tell, because the other day I realized that I say "Awesome." Not ironically. Sincerely.At least once a day.

Yes, I sincerely believe that there are things in my everyday life that are so wonderful, so literally full of wonder, that they deserve to be called Awesome, and I call them that. To other adult humans. Out loud. And occasionally in emails. More than 7 times a week.

(I also use it in text messages. But for some reason, it's usually sarcastic when I use it in a text. Hmmm.)

Anyway, part of my (awesome) job is writing lessons for our kids on Sundays.

This month, we'll be trying working on empathy, trying to grind into their tiny little heads what Jesus said in Matthew 7:12 - "In everything, do to others what you would want them to do to you," (as it says in the flat-footed but exceptionally clear New International Reader's Version.)

So: The Golden Rule.

How do you get pre-schoolers to begin to recall scripture? Well, the same way you get adults and teens and centegenarians to - by singing a song.

Google Golden Rule Song.

I dare you.

Oksy, I don't dare you. I can't be responsible for the effect on my tender-hearted friends. or my under-18 friends, and I have plenty of both. You know, because youth minister.

The top result - the top PAGE of results - involve a parody rap song from Lonely Island, vocals by Andy Samberg, joined in this number by Justin Timberlake and Lady Gaga, some humiliating fake beards, and a bunch of clothes from Chess King.

The specific golden rule in the song is not the sum of the law and the prophets. It's an etiquette rule about is specific to a form of adult recreation, about which a woman might text a gent*, after which he would hop a transit bus to her house, with a 6 of Bartles and James.

It's not subtle, but it's pretty funny. Now I want to listen to some of their other songs, but I can't. Because I am now at home with my child. Not in my office at church. Right.

SO not what I was looking for. 



[*Spoiler alert: OR TWO.]


:Bonus:  if you'd like to see a Golden Rule song that is possibly even more inappropriate for a pre-school Sunday School class, Google: Jack Black Golden Rule Song.


Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Curried Butternut Squash - fast, easy, vegan

  • Heat your oven to 450.  (Incidentally, this would be a good time to warm up that little pretzel bread thing that you picked up at Trader Joes because they advertise it in the 'underwriter plug' on NPR.)  
     
    Split and seed a butternut squash, and just throw it on the oven rack. Roast until slightly soft, meaning you can stick a fork in it with some effort.
     
    Coarsely chop some sweet white onion - I used a little less than half a big one.
     
    Heat up your trusty giant cast-iron skillet, and slick it with olive oil
     
     Drop in a couple big spoonfuls of  Patak's Curry Paste (don't let the oil that collects on top bother you. Don't stir, just spoon.) Once the curry paste starts bubbling, you'll feel nervous that it's going to burn into a layer of asphalt (hardly out of the question) so throw a little water in there, and the onions, and stir it around.
     
    Check on the squash. If it's sort of soft, remove it from the oven. You can now peel it with your (overn-mitted) hand, by breaking and pulling off the thin crisp blistered skin. 
     
    Once your onion is a little soft too - solid but not crisp or hard - cube your peeled squash and throw that in the pan with the onion and curry paste. Stir to get the dark orange stuff to coat the brighter orange stuff.
     

    Now. open a can of coconut milk. Reduce the heat under the pan to medium-high, and pour in some coconut milk, stirring until the dark-orange is also brighter orange. 
    Cook for about 5 minutes to give the flavors a chance to mingle. Serve in bowl, eat with spoons. Half a large squash fed two starving adults.

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Recipe: Gluten-free Banana Bread

Preheat your oven to 350, and find a glass loaf pan.

Melt half a stick of butter (that's 4 tablespoons) and let it cool.
(If you're melting it in the microwave, keep a darn eye on it and stop it as soon as it melts, otherwise the solids will explode all over the inside of your appliance. It's gross.)
(Next, time, I will try this with coconut oil.) 

Mash (or mix in your mixer) 3-5 ripe bananas. They should be super, super liquidy and make more than a cup of liquid banana goop. Mix in 1 cup sugar (I combined brown and white) and 1 egg. then that cooled melted butter (if its too far above about 80 degrees, it'll cook bits of egg.) Add a big swig of vanilla extract, and any likely-looking spices. I used quite a lot of Penzey's Pumpkin Pie spice. It was awesome.

Turn off the mixer once all that is combined. Now dump in 1.5 cups of rice flour (mine was 2/3 brown, 1/3 white), a scant tablespoon of baking soda, and a generous teaspoon of salt.

Turn the mixer on LOW and only mix it until everything is barely moistened. Large veins of dry baking soda or snowdrifts of flour are undesirable; however, lumps are fine.

Grease your loaf pan (with butter) and transfer the batter into it. It is heavy, thick and lumpy. It is brown. It does not look or pour like cake batter. It'll be okay. Seriously.

If you want to add walnuts (or black walnuts), I recommend sprinkling them on top. I have a firm  'no surprise nuts' policy, but there's actually a better reason. Having them on top allows the nuts to toast, which makes them taste lots better, and be crunchy. (It also moderates the distinctive but occasionally weird green note in good black walnuts. I think it's a perfect flavor for this bread, but can be overwhelming unless they're toasted.) 

After putting the pan in the oven, lower the temp to 325. DO NOT open the oven for 45 minutes.

Begin checking at 45 minutes with the stab-with-a-butterknife method.  The timing is quite changeable - could be done after 45 minutes,  but occasionally takes more than an hour.  I think it's because of the banana variable.  When the butterknife finally comes out moderately clean - with actual moist crumbs stuck to it, rather than batter - it's done.

This came out moist, tasty, and with a good texture - springy but in no way rubbery. It looked nice, too, and the family ate it enthusiastically. Oddly, it did not have a very strong banana flavor - it was there, but not as banana-y as I would have expected.

This loaf took a long time to get done in the middle, and I worried that the ends would be overdone and hard or gummy - but they totally weren't. I was also worried that the middle would be gritty, but that's what I get for licking the knife - but, again, not at all.  Good consistent texture and rise throughout the loaf.  Deep carmelized sugar flavor. 

Anyway, it was good.

I might add chocolate chips next time. 

This is a rice flour adaptation of the wheat flour recipe I always use. (I happen to have noted, on the page of my recipe notebook, that my brother and I made it on July 15, 1996.) From Easy Basics for Good Cooking.

Monday, May 13, 2013

Recipe: Curried Quinoa thing

Take one large onion. Slice it thin and drop it into a hot hot pan with a couple tablespoons of olive oil. Salt and pepper liberally, let it soften.

While that's cooking, slice some red and yellow peppers that you found (also softening) in the (poorly-named) "crisper". About the equivilent of one large pepper (which is what's left when you excise the iffy parts.) Cut into small dice. Don't do anything with them yet. If you find you have a cucumber, peel and dice that as well, and set it aside.

If the onions are turning golden, it's time to drop in the cooked quinoa. (You can cook some fresh - take the onion pan off the stove, tell everyone dinner will be 10 minutes later than you had said, and cook according to package directions. I had some left over -  most of a cup.)

Open and rinse a can of chick peas. Throw those in with the quinoa and the onions. Turn down the heat - a little crispy brown in awesome, but blackened is not delicious. Splash in a little water if you're worried about burning. Throw in the diced peppers.

Stir in a large spoonful of Patak's curry paste. We use hot, but there's also milder. Let that cook for about 5 minutes. Remove from heat - stir in a handful of dried cranberries and cover, let it sit for a few more minutes.

Serve with salt, pepper, plain yogurt and the diced cucumbers on top. Bizarrely deliscious. Kinda beige, though.

Vegetarian (vegan without the yogurt), high protein, all the fiber you need. Very very good.


Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Random Thoughts:

 I walked into my bathroom this morning to trim my hair.

Well, trim is not exactly what I was going for. I was going to buzz my hair down to a quarter inch...but I couldn't find the right sized guide for my barber clippers. I must have lost patience, the last time I was putting it away, and just jammed it in a drawer somewhere.

So I have been saved from the consequences of my impulsiveness - by the consequences of my impulsiveness.

Around here, that's considered a big win.

Valentines day lava cakes

This is the second year in a row that our Valentines Day has been a feast of familial love, rather than the conventional romantic variety. Last year, I made chicken adobo (this one, which sounds just gross at first read but is in fact delicious) and a more complicated variation of the molten chocolate lava cake. I found an easier one this year, and adapted it further (because by the end of a Thursday, I am not up to separating eggs or unearthing a bag of confectioners' sugar from the pantry.)  it's an awful lot like the full-sized French chocolate cake that I made a week or so ago. This is messier, less refined generally, and WAY faster.

I found the recipe on SweetSavoryLife, which looks like a terrific resource; check out the cakes on her bio page!




adapted from Paula Deen’s Home Cooking
Ingredients
  • 10 tablespoons (1 1/4 stick) butter
  • 8 oz (1 cup) chocolate chips (any type of chocolate chips will work but I recommend semi-sweet or a combination of bitter and semi-sweet)
  • 1/2 cup all-purpose flour
  • 1 1/2 cups confectioners’ (powdered) sugar
  • 3 large eggs

  • 3 egg yolks
  • 1 teaspoon vanilla extract

  • Preheat oven to 450 degrees F. Melt about one-and-a-quarter sticks of salted butter and a cup of chocolate chips.  
Molten Lava Cakes Recipe
4.2 from 25 reviews
Print
Recipe type: Dessert
Author: Savory Sweet Life
Prep time: 10 mins
Cook time: 10 mins
Total time: 20 mins
Serves: 6
Molten Lava Cakes adapted from Paula Deen’s Home Cooking
Ingredients
  • 10 tablespoons (1 1/4 stick) butter
  • 8 oz (1 cup) chocolate chips (any type of chocolate chips will work but I recommend semi-sweet or a combination of bitter and semi-sweet)
  • 1/2 cup all-purpose flour
  • 1 1/2 cups confectioners’ (powdered) sugar
  • 3 large eggs
  • 3 egg yolks
  • 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
  • OPTIONAL : 2 tablespoons coffee liqueur (Kahlua) OR 1 tsp. instant coffee powder
Instructions
  1. Preheat oven to 425 degrees F. Spray 6 -6 ounce custard (ramekin) cups or cupcake tin. In a medium microwavable bowl, melt chocolate chips and butter in the microwave for 60 seconds and then in 30 second increments until smooth (about 1.5-2 minutes total). Add flour and sugar to chocolate/butter sauce. Stir in the eggs and yolks until smooth. Add vanilla and coffee liqueur/instant coffee and mix everything until combined. Divide the batter evenly among the each cups. Place cups on top of a cookie sheet and bake for 10 minutes. The edges should be firm but the center will be runny. Run a knife around the edges to loosen and invert onto dessert plates or you can serve each molten lava cake still in the cup.
Notes
Some optional “finishing” ideas are: sprinkle powdered sugar on top, add a dollop of whipped cream of ice cream, add raspberries or strawberries, or any combination of the above. Enjoy!




  • Spray 6 -6 ounce custard (ramekin) cups or cupcake tin. In a medium microwavable bowl
  • , melt chocolate chips and butter in the microwave for 60 seconds and then in 30 second increments until smooth (about 1.5-2 minutes total). Add flour and sugar to chocolate/butter sauce. Stir in the eggs and yolks until smooth. Add vanilla and coffee liqueur/instant coffee and mix everything until combined. Divide the batter evenly among the each cups. Place cups on top of a cookie sheet and bake for 10 minutes. The edges should be firm but the center will be runny. Run a knife around the edges to loosen and invert onto dessert plates or you can serve each molten lava cake still in the cup.
Notes
Some optional “finishing” ideas are: sprinkle powdered sugar on top, add a dollop of whipped cream of ice cream, add raspberries or strawberries, or any combination of the above. Enjoy!

Recipe: Cucumber Salad


Find a big lidded container. Mine was 10 cups (a little more than 2 liters.)

Find some cucumbers. I used one super-gigantic one and one fairly normal one, and I would have had room for at least 2 more normal ones.
Peel the green rind off the cucumbers and discard.
Then, keep peeling! Making long, thin, see-through strips of cucumber.
Stop when you get so close to the middle that the seeds keep you from cutting nice strips.
Take a sweet onion and cut into fine slivers.
Put the onion slivers and the cucumber strips into your container.

In a small pan, combine vinegar and water.
You can use:
1/2 cup white vinegar, a cup water and 1/2 cup sugar
OR equal parts seasoned rice wine vinegar and water, with a couple spoonfuls of sugar. 

Bring that to a boil, and pour it over the cucumber and onion mixture. Stir and let sit.

You can stir in some herbs - I used about a teaspoon of dill.

When cool, refrigerate.

It's sort of a salad and sort of a pickle - intensely flavored, refreshing on a hot day, good on a ham sandwich. I made it with CRCC cucumbers, which are excellent.

Asian vinegar is in the international food aisle at the grocery store - it's less acidic than regular vinegar, and has some sugar already in it. I use this brand:




or this one            
     















both delicious, and widely available. Store it in the fridge once it's open (unlike normal vinegar.)

Monday, April 01, 2013

Gluten- and Dairy-Free Carrot Cake.

Dude. no fooling. My first try at g-free baking was such a success that I am left speechless. I didn't think this could work. 

Carrot Cake adapted by ME!!

Preheat oven to 350, move a rack to the center position.

Grate some carrots (You need 2 cups) and let the grated carrots sit in a colander and dry out for about 10 minutes. Meanwhile, drain a 20 oz can of crushed pineapple in juice.

Beat 4 large eggs, one scant cup granulated sugar, and one cup vegetable oil. And beat them and beat them and beat them, longer than you think could possibly be necessary, so they are as light-colored and foamy as they can get. This will work better if the eggs are close to room temperature - it makes them less gloppy. Add in the carrots and the pineapple, plus a cup of dried cranberries (Craisens).

(I didn't say it was a low-sugar recipe.)

In a separate bowl mix:
one scant cup white rice flour
one cup brown rice flour
1 teaspoon (or a small palm-full) salt
2 teaspoons baking soda 
dry spices depending on your taste. Be generous. I used at least tablespoon of cinnamon, plus a generous shake of allspice. Use a LOT.

(If you're using a powerful mixer, you don't really need to pre-mix the dry ingredients - you can just throw them into the bowl with the wet stuff.)

Stir in 2 teaspoons of vanilla extract; you can throw in a cup of nuts now, if you like. Walnuts are good.

Drop into greased muffin tins; you can fill them most of the way, a little more than you would with another cake batter. Bake at 350 for 25-35 minutes.

I have not tried these in a full-sized cake pan, so I don't know what effect it would have. They do rise in muffin tins, some.

They don't need icing, really. Also, DON'T seal them in plastic bags - the moisture will condense into, like, slush. This is good advice for all baked goods, but with something as moist as this, it's really important.

to me, these are indistinguishable  the wheat flour ones.  I'm stunned.

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Recipe: Quinoa

Warm Quinoa Side Dish

Put 2 cups of water on to boil in a medium saucepan.

Chop half a large white onion, half a red pepper, and 2 stalks of celery into small bits.

Heat a splash of olive oil in a small sauté pan. Saute your veg until the onion is starting to soften, with a bit of salt and pepper.

Once the water boils, stir one cup of quinoa (I like Trader Joes Red Quinoa) into the saucepan. When the quinoa comes to a boil, reduce the heat and cover.

At the same time, reduce the heat under the veg. Stir occasionally. Throw in a bit of butter if you like (and if no one is vegan/anti-saturated fat.)

 If you like, add some leafy greens. Hearty things like kale will retain a lot of body, and need a little longer on the stove, and maybe a couple spoonfuls of the water from the quinoa. Wait a few minutes before adding soft greens like baby spinach; they should wilt but not completely collapse in the remaining cooking time.

Back to the quinoa - simmer it with the lid on for 10-15 min until the water is absorbed and the white ring is visible in the quinoa grains. Remove from heat and set aside.

Combine the cooked, still-hot quinoa with the cooked, still-hot and still-a-little-crunchy vegetables. Plate. Season with salt, pepper, butter, hot sauce, rice wine vinegar, or whatever.